ohiovalleybeard:

Special thanks to our friend prolix21 for stopping by to get his well-deserved free donut. Follow in his footsteps fellow keepers of the beard. Get yourself on over to holtmansdonuts in OTR to claim yours now. Today only!

Look at that beard, man

ohiovalleybeard:

Special thanks to our friend prolix21 for stopping by to get his well-deserved free donut. Follow in his footsteps fellow keepers of the beard. Get yourself on over to holtmansdonuts in OTR to claim yours now. Today only!

Look at that beard, man

In other words, it’s just the kind of effect natural selection is renowned for: odd, hackish solutions that work to solve proximate problems.

After dinner the babies get fussy and Min puts a mush of ice cream and Hershey’s syrup in their bottles and we watch The Worst That Could Happen, a half-hour of computer simulations of tragedies that have never actually occurred but theoretically could. A kid gets hit by a train and flies into a zoo, where he’s eaten by wolves. A man cuts his hand off chopping wood and while wandering around screaming for help is picked up by a tornado and dropped on a preschool during recess and lands on a pregnant teacher.

George Saunders, Sea Oak (via treets)

George Saunders: the reason I’m able to keep living in a world without Kurt Vonnegut.

(Source: senhor-gasmo, via birdypwns)

In Victorian times, [bridal shower] presents were offered in a parasol, which is where the “shower” part comes in.

vintagelibraries:

Public Library of Cincinnati & Hamilton County, Main Library Entrance, Branch pages on the front steps of the building, year unknown.

vintagelibraries:

Public Library of Cincinnati & Hamilton County, Main Library Entrance, Branch pages on the front steps of the building, year unknown.

(via cincylibrary)

tehawesome:

There are a few things I’ve learned from commenting on the Birds Eye Vegetables Facebook page:

  • People love answering dumb questions. Over 900 people responded to the above post, all of them saying something like “pepper.” It’s like some wealthy lunatic asked, “How could I get hundreds of people to all type ‘pepper’ onto the internet like an absurdist art project?” And here we are, I guess.
  • Birds Eye Vegetables only Likes right answers. See that second screenshot? Do you see the two utter losers with no Likes? That’s because Birds Eye only rewards winners. “Orange pepper”? Have a Like! “Red bell pepper”? LikeTown, Population: You! “Cantalope”? Are you kidding me? Go fuck yourself, idiot.
  • Birds Eye will benevolently chime in to give the right answer if someone isn’t sure. And then people will reply to that reply, because nobody can stop Facebook commenters from shouting “pepper” all over this thread. They see that comment box and they think, “Oh look, a text box! I have to type pepper into that thing!!!”
  • Nobody in the Birds Eye thread really talks to other people, so I feel free to leave multiple comments now. Birds Eye never responds, and other people pretty much just type “red pepper” and continue on with their very important schedules. So, when all comments are viewed chronologically, I look like someone having an argument with an unrelenting army of people who only type “pepper” into comment boxes. I’m basically Neo fighting wave after wave of machines outside the Matrix, only instead of doing kung fu I’m talking about pumpkins a lot.
  • And lastly, this isn’t a thing I learned, really, but I appreciated Nick openly disagreeing with Our Lord and Master Birds Eye Vegetables re: whether that pepper is a pumpkin. I only hope the Birds Eye Facebook page admin is half as amused as we are, but sometimes I imagine some 80s cartoon villain smashing his metal fist against his big desk and shouting, “Curses! They called it a pumpkin again!”

I love Henry.

By the way, when it says “Hover over card for details,” this is the kind of great bonus content that you unlock. 

By the way, when it says “Hover over card for details,” this is the kind of great bonus content that you unlock. 

My bank wants me to express myself on my credit card, so long as one of these six designs cuts to the core of who I am as a person.

My bank wants me to express myself on my credit card, so long as one of these six designs cuts to the core of who I am as a person.

ME: I do not miss advertising agency websites very much
ME: I remember how much time we spent trying to make ours an experience
ME: Now I’m just like what is your goddamn address
ME: How can I tell who your clients are, geezus christ
ME: No I don’t want an interactive fortune cookie
ME: Etc
FRIEND:I’m working on a website where you can add your favorite place to buy motor oil to your user account.
FRIEND: So.